Letters from Zambia 19
Nathan wrote:
09/27: I just awoke from two bad dreams. I feel like I've been up all night. I did that in Solwezi this last time, did I tell you that? Suddenly I've started dreaming again. / Trimmed the grass hanging over the front eave of the roof, but stopped from the heat. I've been dozing off around 1200 - 1300 each day, but it's hard to get comfortable. Technically we're in "standfast" mode yesterday. I really should repack my emergency bag today. I actually don't want to bring anything home, lazy? overwhelming? leave Z behind? Tomorrow is elections, Friday I was going to go to Funda turn-off, Saturday will be the Chief/community meeting. So I've camped out in the shade of the inside of my house where it's only 82.6 degrees at 1350. This is the third week now of no mail from the Mission. Fr. George hasn't a driver's license and we know the Sisters drop the ball given the chance. Bob and I are right - having expectations here will bring only disappointment. Maxine sent some Heralds & Daily Press, got me thinking of home.
09/28: This morning Mr. Musonda came to my place & announced he woke up poorly & was "bitter." His word, which prompted me to realize that's exactly what I've been feeling like since I woke from the bad dream. Negative, bordering depressed, bitter. Again just tossing & turning for sleep last night. I doubt any dreams came. It must be a combination of the people's attitudes here, the heat, & my infected mosquito/other bug bites. I won't go into detail on the last, I think you've got an idea of the middle, & the first is pissing me off to no end. So people asked Mulenga why did Nathan put grass on top of tin sheets? To stop heat from the sun he told them. They asked if Mule told me to do this, the implication that there is no way I could have been this clever. This, plus the upcoming meeting, plus what the PFO told Eliza, I'm not wanted here. They don't want help. They want things given to them. Leaving PC I will be anti-Z if nothing changes, was this how the PC plan goes? Musonda said the meeting will be the 6th of October, that's 8 days away, plenty of time to let my negativity brew into hatred, as well as accrue a sleep deficit.
09/29: Trying to fall asleep last night was hard. 82.2 degrees inside, 75.6 outside at 2100, no air moving. Pressure's been rising & a low temp of 53.6 indicates there was radiational cooling overnight. So early morning I was finally able to sleep. I biked to Funda turn-off this morning via a bushpath. 9 km with the last 3 km on an old side road that isn't great, but it was flatter than the ups/downs of the main road & had some shade. You called as I was there. I biked back the same way as I came, was ten times better than the main road. Once reaching home I immediately felt like crap, enough so that I gulped a bunch of water & crawled into bed despite being 80 degrees in the house & hotter outside - I felt cold but knew I had a fever. Dehydration is possible, but it must have been more than that. Feeling slightly better now, but still hot, the high will be 91 again. The wind was strong this AM, but this afternoon it comes strong & then stops for a while. Pressure's no longer rising up above the previous trend, so the temporary high is moving out. When pressure is lower than the previous trend is when we seem to have the hottest temps - so far. I'll be copying some daily pressure readings that I've been able to record. Put them in Excel & you'll see the trend I'm talking of. Still not sure what to call the pressure regime, or even how to standardize calling one day high pressure over another. Listening to delirium now, usually helps me fall asleep but it's nice to write a letter while listening to some relaxing music.
10/06: So many days missed by being sick. After talking with you last Friday (one week ago) I came home & think I passed out in bed with chills. Saturday I asked Mule to go to St. M Clinic for me to get Coartem. I stayed in bed all day, but did see Fr. Mobe, he stopped on the road heading back to Chingola from voting at St. M. Mid-afternoon in the blazing sun, standing on the roadside. As he got in his truck to leave I passed out & found him prying me off my back. He made sure I was in bed before departing. If I wasn't getting better he told me to send a note to the head-sister at St. M to come pick me up in their truck. I don't remember much else. Sunday was better, still chills & fever, but the pain killers from the clinic took away the pain. Monday I was supposed to go to Lushwishi but sent a note asking for the following week. I was able to sit in a chair in my insaka a bit, so freaking hot. Early Monday morning we had our first rain. At 9PM the night before I awoke to thunder, it'd been since April. Lightning off to SW & W. A few light raindrops came at 1045PM. By 130AM the thunder was nearby (storms here really don't move, they sit or drift). Ten minutes later the downpour started. After another 10 minutes the rain lightened a little but the thunder was cracking overhead. By 150AM the rain was light but steady. At 225AM the thunder stopped. At 930AM the rain actually quit, it'd been getting lighter since daybreak. 1.27" total. Last year's first rain was 4 Nov with 0.81". Just sat around weak that day. So then Tuesday I decided I finally had to get to St. M, esp. to check on Bob's house - he went on vacation without covering the occulus. No way I was getting on a bike so Mule accompanied me walking. 2 hrs there, 40 min resting, 2 hrs back. I was drained. Wed I biked to Funda turn-off to check in with PC for the elections. I made it there & back but was tired. Today I didn't do much. Update site records, harvested some Marigold seeds from my garden. Now it's after midnight and I wasn't able to sleep. I've been listening to music but can't find something that I'll drift off to. So I had to do something (besides go crazy) so this was a chance to bring this letter to the present. Sorry for falling so far behind. I wonder if all the drugs haven't finally gotten to me, last night I slept well.
10/08: On Friday I went to Mafuta, Ba Fumbello came with. He's the husband of one of the new teachers in Kantende. He's seemingly a nice guy, I just don't trust him. He's smart & clever, perhaps those things in a Z scare me. But it was a good day. We made nurseries in the garden with the women. Ba F also had some ideas of who to contact to receive money for the community school there. Sat., yesterday, I didn't do much. It was originally supposed to be the Chief meeting but Mrs. Banda's bosses from Kalulushi are demanding to be there but couldn't make it, so postponed for now. Cooked & ate lunch and wished I hadn't, it seems no matter what I eat my stomach is unhappy. I should just not eat. I'm actually a bit worried but am unsure of what to do about it. So then as the sun was setting last night Mrs. Banda, Mrs. Makamu, & g-pa came to me to alert me. Mrs. Makamu was a PFAP member (past tense 'cause PFAP is dead) and the Kantende PFAP committee, all the ones you met on field visits while here, approached her & started questioning her about my roof. She's one of the people here in K that I like, she's nice. So she told them to perhaps ask me. She came to warn me, & a little while later one of the comm. members showed up & said they'd like to come talk about "scheduling programs tomorrow." Playing dumb we set a time for 1400, they have to go to church services before they come accuse me. Bring'em on. I've a few things to say anyways. So I then went to ask Ba Fumbello if he could translate for me, he'd be good at it & he's not connected to Kantende. I don't want any miscommunication in what I have to say. Oh, I also forgot. Saturday morning, around midnight, the black mamba showed up again. Tante was on her nest (elevated 1 m off the ground on poles by the guava tree) sitting on her eggs when I awoke to hear her yelling. Unusual so I got up to check. The black mamba had lowered itself from the guava tree down into her nest & was eating the four surviving eggs of hers. I was sure the noise woke g-pa so I called "snake" (insoka) out to him & he came over. After trying to beat it with bamboo poles it slithered off into the banana grove again. Minutes later he claims to have seen it in the trash pit. The next morning there were tread marks in my toilet in the dust on the floor, big marks, it was a big snake, has to be the same as before. So no more eggs. Being that big it will want to defend its territory from silly humans. I'm a bit worried. Tante had laid two eggs in the duck nest, they hatched four days ago, so that's all she has. Being pissed she attacked the duck sitting on the duck's nest, breaking one of the duck eggs. I only caught a glimpse but I saw no developing embryo, less than 10 days to go, I'm doubting these eggs were fertilized. So most likely no ducks.
So many thoughts & emotions the past few days, esp. today. I've been weak this past week recovering from the possible malaria. After the Cipro my GI tract returned to more "normal." I only cooked once this past week & regretted it. In fact every time I try eating anything - usually a few plain cookies - I regret it. I can't keep this up. This morning was not bad until I went to Lushwishi to see Ba Cheelo (turns out he is in town) and then back to Bob's house. It was 10AM by that time and already the heat was brutal. I spread out a reed mat on the cooler cement floor & passed out. Finally a letter in the mail from you, the first of any letters in weeks. Thinking of how I currently feel, of the uphill battle to get out of Africa alive & sane, thinking of home; I seriously have been contemplating ETing. In going to town next week I'll contact the PCMO (medical officer), but I'm not holding out much hope. What's my contamination source? Re-infected & feeling shitty for the next 8 or 9 months? It'd be do-able healthy, miserable - impossible. I'm sure this sounds like whining. However, I'm sitting here alone in Bob's hut trying to get a grip.
10/13: Some clouds yesterday kept it cooler. Just realized Friday the 13th, we'll see. I have 45 min before I have to leave for Mafuta so I wanted to catch up this letter. Tuesday I got back to Kantende late morning. Had gotten 500ml of milk from St. M tuk shops so made rice pudding & ate that. Didn't have stomach pains after but the running to the chimbusu (toilet) continued until dark. Thursday was simply taking it easy. A few cookies. Went to Funda turn-off & sent a few texts. Realized I skipped Wednesday, who the hell knows what I did? I wonder if there is a connection to peanuts. After eating a small spoonful of peanut butter at Bob's house things went downhill. Back during malaria I had roasted groundnuts, I wonder. Anyway, Bob's in Solwezi, coming back "no-later than" Sunday, so basically anytime next week. I'll be going to town Sunday & Eliza had sent a text asking if we still will. I'll get to post this letter then. Did I tell you I got a new rooster? The old one wasn't broken but I traded him in for a newer model. The original came from Mrs. Banda but now that he has kids running around I thought some new blood would be good. The new one is mostly white with some black trim in the rear, he's smaller & younger. So the new one was saved from their pot & the old one went in. I like the new one, but liked the old as well. Six chicks have survived to be small chickens & Tante has 2 small chicks currently. So I guess I own 10 chickens. Yesterday I sat down with my TI-86 and got hourly pressure averages for 31 days. Drew up a rough draft chart, I'll photocopy the graph to send you. I'll be sending you the data as well. My stomach is better. I'm hoping to find some cookies today but often they have a small meal for me in Mafuta. I don't want to go to Mafuta, I don't know why. Lazy? If I could hop in a car & be there in 10 min it might not be so bad.
10/19: Today was the last day we'll be in Ndola. Tomorrow I'll try to make it through the P.O. Take care.
Yours - n
09/27: I just awoke from two bad dreams. I feel like I've been up all night. I did that in Solwezi this last time, did I tell you that? Suddenly I've started dreaming again. / Trimmed the grass hanging over the front eave of the roof, but stopped from the heat. I've been dozing off around 1200 - 1300 each day, but it's hard to get comfortable. Technically we're in "standfast" mode yesterday. I really should repack my emergency bag today. I actually don't want to bring anything home, lazy? overwhelming? leave Z behind? Tomorrow is elections, Friday I was going to go to Funda turn-off, Saturday will be the Chief/community meeting. So I've camped out in the shade of the inside of my house where it's only 82.6 degrees at 1350. This is the third week now of no mail from the Mission. Fr. George hasn't a driver's license and we know the Sisters drop the ball given the chance. Bob and I are right - having expectations here will bring only disappointment. Maxine sent some Heralds & Daily Press, got me thinking of home.
09/28: This morning Mr. Musonda came to my place & announced he woke up poorly & was "bitter." His word, which prompted me to realize that's exactly what I've been feeling like since I woke from the bad dream. Negative, bordering depressed, bitter. Again just tossing & turning for sleep last night. I doubt any dreams came. It must be a combination of the people's attitudes here, the heat, & my infected mosquito/other bug bites. I won't go into detail on the last, I think you've got an idea of the middle, & the first is pissing me off to no end. So people asked Mulenga why did Nathan put grass on top of tin sheets? To stop heat from the sun he told them. They asked if Mule told me to do this, the implication that there is no way I could have been this clever. This, plus the upcoming meeting, plus what the PFO told Eliza, I'm not wanted here. They don't want help. They want things given to them. Leaving PC I will be anti-Z if nothing changes, was this how the PC plan goes? Musonda said the meeting will be the 6th of October, that's 8 days away, plenty of time to let my negativity brew into hatred, as well as accrue a sleep deficit.
09/29: Trying to fall asleep last night was hard. 82.2 degrees inside, 75.6 outside at 2100, no air moving. Pressure's been rising & a low temp of 53.6 indicates there was radiational cooling overnight. So early morning I was finally able to sleep. I biked to Funda turn-off this morning via a bushpath. 9 km with the last 3 km on an old side road that isn't great, but it was flatter than the ups/downs of the main road & had some shade. You called as I was there. I biked back the same way as I came, was ten times better than the main road. Once reaching home I immediately felt like crap, enough so that I gulped a bunch of water & crawled into bed despite being 80 degrees in the house & hotter outside - I felt cold but knew I had a fever. Dehydration is possible, but it must have been more than that. Feeling slightly better now, but still hot, the high will be 91 again. The wind was strong this AM, but this afternoon it comes strong & then stops for a while. Pressure's no longer rising up above the previous trend, so the temporary high is moving out. When pressure is lower than the previous trend is when we seem to have the hottest temps - so far. I'll be copying some daily pressure readings that I've been able to record. Put them in Excel & you'll see the trend I'm talking of. Still not sure what to call the pressure regime, or even how to standardize calling one day high pressure over another. Listening to delirium now, usually helps me fall asleep but it's nice to write a letter while listening to some relaxing music.
10/06: So many days missed by being sick. After talking with you last Friday (one week ago) I came home & think I passed out in bed with chills. Saturday I asked Mule to go to St. M Clinic for me to get Coartem. I stayed in bed all day, but did see Fr. Mobe, he stopped on the road heading back to Chingola from voting at St. M. Mid-afternoon in the blazing sun, standing on the roadside. As he got in his truck to leave I passed out & found him prying me off my back. He made sure I was in bed before departing. If I wasn't getting better he told me to send a note to the head-sister at St. M to come pick me up in their truck. I don't remember much else. Sunday was better, still chills & fever, but the pain killers from the clinic took away the pain. Monday I was supposed to go to Lushwishi but sent a note asking for the following week. I was able to sit in a chair in my insaka a bit, so freaking hot. Early Monday morning we had our first rain. At 9PM the night before I awoke to thunder, it'd been since April. Lightning off to SW & W. A few light raindrops came at 1045PM. By 130AM the thunder was nearby (storms here really don't move, they sit or drift). Ten minutes later the downpour started. After another 10 minutes the rain lightened a little but the thunder was cracking overhead. By 150AM the rain was light but steady. At 225AM the thunder stopped. At 930AM the rain actually quit, it'd been getting lighter since daybreak. 1.27" total. Last year's first rain was 4 Nov with 0.81". Just sat around weak that day. So then Tuesday I decided I finally had to get to St. M, esp. to check on Bob's house - he went on vacation without covering the occulus. No way I was getting on a bike so Mule accompanied me walking. 2 hrs there, 40 min resting, 2 hrs back. I was drained. Wed I biked to Funda turn-off to check in with PC for the elections. I made it there & back but was tired. Today I didn't do much. Update site records, harvested some Marigold seeds from my garden. Now it's after midnight and I wasn't able to sleep. I've been listening to music but can't find something that I'll drift off to. So I had to do something (besides go crazy) so this was a chance to bring this letter to the present. Sorry for falling so far behind. I wonder if all the drugs haven't finally gotten to me, last night I slept well.
10/08: On Friday I went to Mafuta, Ba Fumbello came with. He's the husband of one of the new teachers in Kantende. He's seemingly a nice guy, I just don't trust him. He's smart & clever, perhaps those things in a Z scare me. But it was a good day. We made nurseries in the garden with the women. Ba F also had some ideas of who to contact to receive money for the community school there. Sat., yesterday, I didn't do much. It was originally supposed to be the Chief meeting but Mrs. Banda's bosses from Kalulushi are demanding to be there but couldn't make it, so postponed for now. Cooked & ate lunch and wished I hadn't, it seems no matter what I eat my stomach is unhappy. I should just not eat. I'm actually a bit worried but am unsure of what to do about it. So then as the sun was setting last night Mrs. Banda, Mrs. Makamu, & g-pa came to me to alert me. Mrs. Makamu was a PFAP member (past tense 'cause PFAP is dead) and the Kantende PFAP committee, all the ones you met on field visits while here, approached her & started questioning her about my roof. She's one of the people here in K that I like, she's nice. So she told them to perhaps ask me. She came to warn me, & a little while later one of the comm. members showed up & said they'd like to come talk about "scheduling programs tomorrow." Playing dumb we set a time for 1400, they have to go to church services before they come accuse me. Bring'em on. I've a few things to say anyways. So I then went to ask Ba Fumbello if he could translate for me, he'd be good at it & he's not connected to Kantende. I don't want any miscommunication in what I have to say. Oh, I also forgot. Saturday morning, around midnight, the black mamba showed up again. Tante was on her nest (elevated 1 m off the ground on poles by the guava tree) sitting on her eggs when I awoke to hear her yelling. Unusual so I got up to check. The black mamba had lowered itself from the guava tree down into her nest & was eating the four surviving eggs of hers. I was sure the noise woke g-pa so I called "snake" (insoka) out to him & he came over. After trying to beat it with bamboo poles it slithered off into the banana grove again. Minutes later he claims to have seen it in the trash pit. The next morning there were tread marks in my toilet in the dust on the floor, big marks, it was a big snake, has to be the same as before. So no more eggs. Being that big it will want to defend its territory from silly humans. I'm a bit worried. Tante had laid two eggs in the duck nest, they hatched four days ago, so that's all she has. Being pissed she attacked the duck sitting on the duck's nest, breaking one of the duck eggs. I only caught a glimpse but I saw no developing embryo, less than 10 days to go, I'm doubting these eggs were fertilized. So most likely no ducks.
So many thoughts & emotions the past few days, esp. today. I've been weak this past week recovering from the possible malaria. After the Cipro my GI tract returned to more "normal." I only cooked once this past week & regretted it. In fact every time I try eating anything - usually a few plain cookies - I regret it. I can't keep this up. This morning was not bad until I went to Lushwishi to see Ba Cheelo (turns out he is in town) and then back to Bob's house. It was 10AM by that time and already the heat was brutal. I spread out a reed mat on the cooler cement floor & passed out. Finally a letter in the mail from you, the first of any letters in weeks. Thinking of how I currently feel, of the uphill battle to get out of Africa alive & sane, thinking of home; I seriously have been contemplating ETing. In going to town next week I'll contact the PCMO (medical officer), but I'm not holding out much hope. What's my contamination source? Re-infected & feeling shitty for the next 8 or 9 months? It'd be do-able healthy, miserable - impossible. I'm sure this sounds like whining. However, I'm sitting here alone in Bob's hut trying to get a grip.
10/13: Some clouds yesterday kept it cooler. Just realized Friday the 13th, we'll see. I have 45 min before I have to leave for Mafuta so I wanted to catch up this letter. Tuesday I got back to Kantende late morning. Had gotten 500ml of milk from St. M tuk shops so made rice pudding & ate that. Didn't have stomach pains after but the running to the chimbusu (toilet) continued until dark. Thursday was simply taking it easy. A few cookies. Went to Funda turn-off & sent a few texts. Realized I skipped Wednesday, who the hell knows what I did? I wonder if there is a connection to peanuts. After eating a small spoonful of peanut butter at Bob's house things went downhill. Back during malaria I had roasted groundnuts, I wonder. Anyway, Bob's in Solwezi, coming back "no-later than" Sunday, so basically anytime next week. I'll be going to town Sunday & Eliza had sent a text asking if we still will. I'll get to post this letter then. Did I tell you I got a new rooster? The old one wasn't broken but I traded him in for a newer model. The original came from Mrs. Banda but now that he has kids running around I thought some new blood would be good. The new one is mostly white with some black trim in the rear, he's smaller & younger. So the new one was saved from their pot & the old one went in. I like the new one, but liked the old as well. Six chicks have survived to be small chickens & Tante has 2 small chicks currently. So I guess I own 10 chickens. Yesterday I sat down with my TI-86 and got hourly pressure averages for 31 days. Drew up a rough draft chart, I'll photocopy the graph to send you. I'll be sending you the data as well. My stomach is better. I'm hoping to find some cookies today but often they have a small meal for me in Mafuta. I don't want to go to Mafuta, I don't know why. Lazy? If I could hop in a car & be there in 10 min it might not be so bad.
10/19: Today was the last day we'll be in Ndola. Tomorrow I'll try to make it through the P.O. Take care.
Yours - n
posted by nathan at 14:17
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